For the reasons I still cannot figure out (maybe I was once again in an “aa bel muje maar” mode”), I thought of annoying my wife. Since the time we got together, I have nurtured a secret wish of throwing such a punch line that leaves her dumbfounded or rather speechless. With this in mind, I sent her an e-mail once right when she was sitting next to me post-dinner with a subject “A message” and the following picture in the body of the e-mail:
She was reading some complicated article and as usual ignored my e-mail. I therefore coaxed her to open the e-mail while secretly congratulating myself over wining this time. How naïve I was when I was imagining a halo of victory around my head! When my wife finally opened the e-mail, I was almost smiling from cheek to cheek gloating in self-satisfaction. However, contrary to my expectations, she did not even look at me and resumed reading the godforsaken article and simultaneously replied that:
- Firstly, the picture is not applicable to our case as we are already married whilst the picture says “If you were my husband”
- Secondly, the rebuttal of the man in the picture is fallacious. When the woman says “If you were my husband”, it is illogical on the part of the male to reply “If you were my wife”. This is because for the argument to proceed, the woman has already raised a presumption of marriage. He should have rather said “In that case, I would drink it”. However, the very fact that you sent this picture to me shows that your sense of logic is as good or rather as bad as the man in picture!
- Thirdly, for the sake of argument, if I hated you as much as the woman in the picture, I would never poison your coffee. In fact, I would ensure that you live as long as possible so as to enable me to drive you to the wall every living moment of your life!
- Lastly, if you were ever to drink a poisonous coffee, I would ensure that before you do such stupid act which I am sure you would do sooner or later, you have written a Will bequeathing all your property to me. Further, I would not let you drink the coffee till the time you wrote a proper suicide note affixing the blame on yourself or any other family member besides me.
She finally looked at me and gave a short mischievous smile and thereafter started reading the complicated article again! She then told me, I knew you wanted to annoy me! Please come up with something intellectually stimulating next time!
Why don’t I learn my lessons! She is a WOMAN! To add to my misery, she is a LAWYER! And the icing on the cake is that she is a BENGALI! It is a deadly combination, to say the least! I don’t stand any chance of beating her in any argument whatsoever! Not even 0.000001%. And I now humbly admit that it was stupid on my part to even attempt to annoy her!
You might be wondering why I am narrating this incidence out of the blue. Well, it is my second wedding anniversary today! Contrary to the normal perception that males do not remember their anniversary, I very much remember the date! Even if I suffer from amnesia, this day will be etched in my memory. In fact, I even remember the time when we got married and my wife has a failed memory of the same…
We had a simple court wedding in the morning with a reception thrown in for many in the evening. I still remember how there were 17 people in the small office of the Magistrate (not including the court staff) trying to fit in, be a part of the event and click photos from various angles…
Happy anniversary BIWI!
I know she would want me to come one with some complicated one liner which I absolutely do not understand to express the depth of my feelings towards her in the most poetic way! This is because bongs do not understand simple things. Rather, things make sense to them only when they get complicated! However, I hope my wife may have forgiven me after two years of our marriage for me possessing a simple mind. If she hasn’t, then she should as I never held a grudge against her for being logical or intellectual or whatever ;-).
It is said that opposite attracts! I use to use this line while trying too woe any girl in college. However, little did I image that this line will come to haunt me throughout my life! I and my wife are poles apart! To name a few characteristics:
- I am a true blue fun loving practical Gujju whereas she is a hardcore non-practical, super-serious highly intellectual bong. Its East meets west!
- I am unusually tall (6 feet 4 inches) whereas she is unusually short (4 feet 11 inches).
- I hate reading! In fact, I feel positively suffocated when I see a lot of books around whereas she is always drowned in the ocean of literature.
- I believe in keeping my bed room messy and disorganized whereas she is organization personified! The easiest way to irk her is to not keep a thing at a place which she has allocated!
- I would watch Sit-Coms to while my time whereas she would prefer watching some documentary on discovery channel which absolutely makes no sense to me!
These are just a couple of characteristics. I would like to narrate one incidence that occurred prior to the point in time when we started dating. We all went to my wife’s (then just a friend) house. At that time I had not asked her out, however, I was still toying with that idea. As a typical bong, she took all of us to show her library! As I wanted to impress her, I told her that “I am now getting into the world of literature as I do find reading fascinating”. (Just imagine a Gujjju getting into the word of literature…the idea itself sounds hilarious ) Honestly, I was feeling queasy and giddy looking at the sizes of the books! I saw the happy expression on her face! She pulled the carpet off my feet by saying, “That’s great, why don’t you pick up any book that you would want to read” Nevertheless, to impress her, I started scanning her library to find the thinnest book that I could lay my hands on. I finally found one and pulled it off immediately and declared that I would certainly read that book! I saw the mischievous expression on her face as she saw through my façade! She asked me last night about whether I liked that book and all that I could do was smile back at her and say “Certainly”
How she accepted my proposal is still a mystery to me! I genuinely believe that she might be having some complicated reason behind it which I definitely would not understand! I think she was intellectually experimenting! May be our marriage is some kind of an lifelong anthropological study for her wherein she is trying to decode how simple minded creatures exist I am sure she is maintaining a diary on her observations
As far as I am concerned, for me, I can only express my feelings in simple terms and to simply put, two years down the line, I am a happy man as my wife has started watching Sit-Coms to while her time, in fact she enjoys watching them every now and then and she can watch any of the shows from any episode and I have finally entered into the world of literature, (if reading Chetan Bhagat would be termed as “literature”…I am into literature…big time )
And I believe that this is what marriage is all about! Meeting each other half way and finding the middle path! I have found my path and I must admit that I have a super intellectual guide to accompany me My destination is my journey and I must admit it is the best journey that I have ever undertaken till date!
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MRS. RATHOD