Hiren Rathod

This is an apt time to write this post as the rail budget has just come in and there are many discussions and conclusions coming up with regards to the same. Well, this post is not about the rail budget but this one is about all the interesting disc

ussions (weird as well as normal) I have heard in the local train so far.

For starters any Mumbaikar will understand the importance of timings like 8:42, 8:48, 8:57, 9:03 etc. People from outside Mumbai, these are some important train timings during the early morning rush hours in Mumbai. If you reach at the station at 8:45 for and 8:48 train, you are safe, but if you reach at 8:46, try thinking of some other train. Such is the importance of a single minute while catching the train for work/college.

Once you are inside the compartment of the train, you are bound to hear endless about stuff which you might not even have thought about in life. I have been travelling in train for over 12 years now and I have been a traveller in both the 1^st class as well as the 2^nd class compartments and I have observed that the discussion topics are the same, only the language is different. You’ll get to hear Hindi in the 2^nd class and some sort of sophisticated English in the 1^st class compartments.

When I was in college, I and my friends have discussed various stuffs in the train and have had a laugh about it too. Most of our topics revolved around girls (you expected anything else???) and all of us would end up thinking, “When will we get one???”

Maximum of the train discussions heard by me have been related either to cricket or to politics. These two are the favorite past time of Indians. People tend to dissect both these issues with their own limited knowledge about the same. A Gujju Uncle will very proudly say “Sachin e barabar shot nahi maaryo… Ene off par ramwu joytu hatu pan e leg par maarwa gayo…” (Sachin didn’t hit a proper shot. He should have hit on off side but he played it on the leg side). Every time India plays a match, next day, we listen to all the experts sitting in the train who think of themselves as the Bhogles, Shastris, Boycotts, Chappels etc. of the world cricket and they dissect every game such that if the players hear them, they might commit suicide. The discussions after the 2003 World Cup Finals, 2007 T-20 Finals, every IPL game, 2011 World Cup Finals have been endless and people with limited or minimal knowledge talk about cricket as if they have been playing for over 20 years now. The best thing here is that irrespective of it being a 1^st class or 2^nd class compartment, the flow of abuses has been consistent in their language.

Next favorite topic comes out to be politics. Vastraharan of all politicians becomes a national sport when in train. Talks which describe the election results to be shocking and the minister’s policies are bullshit are a norm in the trains. The share bazaar kings in the train talk as if they are the Finance Ministers of the country and whatever the FM does is against them. For them, the CMs of some individual states are like Gods and they respect them more than the PM of the Country. People will get their respective language’s regional paper in the trains and discuss as per the writer/editor’s viewpoints not understanding the fact that there are times when the editors do try to enforce their views into you. Also, the way the Gujjus in the train discuss the share-market makes us feel that they must be millionaires with what they do.

Next we move on to Bollywood. All the latest affairs described in Mumbai Mirror, Bombay Times, Navbharat Times and Gujarat Samachar are discussed in the compartments. Some discussions gross out so much so that some of the leading ladies as well as the small time actresses are signed of as Prostitutes by these middle class gentlemen in the trains. The gossips spread out quite fast in the compartments and again here, the half-cooked knowledge becomes very dangerous.

I don’t like to pry into anyone’s personal life, but some discussions (especially on phones) get so loud that you have no option but to hear them. I have seen many break-ups happening over the phone in the crowded compartments. I have also seen some new relationships starting their new phase of life in train. Some of the best conversations which I have heard so far need to be mentioned here:

A college kid was trying to convince his Girlfriend and was apologizing to her profusely for some mistake which he had committed and in that process everyone around him was having a good laugh as his conversation was absolutely hilarious and to add to it, he was loud. He used words like ‘Sweetie’, ‘Shona’, ‘Darling’, ‘Honey’, ‘Munchkin’ etc. in the same sentence. I was thinking that the girl might die of diabetes with these talks… He was telling her how he couldn’t meet her the previous day as he had some family obligations and he would more than make up for it today by taking her for a movie with corner seats. He was about to get into more details and the signal broke as the train was approaching Bandra.

Next instance is of a Bong guy dating a Bong girl. The guy was roughly 26-27 and he was a working professional and he was talking to his girlfriend using very refined Bengali language. Most of the people around him couldn’t make out what he was saying (loudly) but I could understand little bit of Bengali and the gist of the talk was that he was trying to explain her how she should be ready to adapt herself in the new world and how she should keep her rigid beliefs away. One of his lines which were hilarious at that moment was, “Ms. ________________ Mukherjee, if you are stubborn, I am much more stubborn than you and I am not going to listen to whatever crap you say…”

Very recently, a guy was talking to his friend who was about to get married to a guy whom she was dating since quite sometime. This guy in the train was trying to propose her and convince her to be his Girlfriend but the girl at other end was telling him that she is getting married soon. To this, the guy in train said something which blew my mind off… He said, “I am keeping my FB status today as Mere TBGF ki shaadi hain…” She asked the meaning of TBGF and he said, TO BE GIRLFRIEND!!! Luckily I had to get down soon as I was unable to control my laughter at that moment…

Some guys were discussing Bigg Boss and Porn in train and 1 guy said, “Biwi ho toh Sunny Leone jaisi… Wo pati ke saath saath, mehmano ka bhi khayal rakhegi…” When I discussed this chat with Mr. Avinash Veer, his lines were simple, “Loka kahi sudhrat nahi… Udya boltil Baajuwalya chi bayko asawi Sunny Leone saarkhi…”

Once while I was travelling in a Virar Fast train from Dadar-Dahisar during rush hours, there was good amount of pushing happening from the door, i.e. my frontside. I stand tall at 6’4” and the uncle behind me must be in his 60s and was short at 5’7”. Basically my ass and his stomach were at the same level. He started yelling at me from the back to stop pushing. I explained him that the pressure is coming from the front. He again yelled at me the same thing to which I very politely replied the same thing again. Now he was trying to act oversmart and show his age, so he went around again yelling at me. This time I was pissed and I too shouted stating that the pressure is coming from the front. He replied, “Mujhe laga Pressure toh Peeche se aata hain… Tu aagese kahase nikal raha hain???” I was pissed and I retorted, “Uncle, Pressure peeche se agar aaya toh yaha pe meri GAAND and aapka PET, 1 hi jagah pe hain…” He was left speechless and the compartment was left in laughs…

I have also seen college kids bring their female friends as well as girlfriends into the gents’ compartment of the trains and I have seen some of them fighting too. I just wonder, why don’t they do it somewhere outside and why do they have to create a spectacle in front of everyone???

There are many more instances, but than this is not a book. I discussed all these instances with a female friend of mine and she narrated some of the hilarious instances which she encountered in ladies compartment which are described below:

Ladies compartment is a live telecast of Ekta Kapoor soap opera. The concept of “train friend” is very rampant amongst ladies. These females are like your soul sisters who reserve a seat for you, get dokhlas and farsans for you, hears you out when you feel you are the only tortured soul. Once this friend of mine was standing at a smooching distance from another young woman in a crowded compartment and this lady, so it seems, was in an outright romantic mode. My friend had no other option but to bear with her… She was talking on a phone with her lover and this is the way the one sided conversation proceeded in marathi… “Sanglita na ‘love u” ata kiti vela mhanu…” “Luv u.. Luv u… Luv u”. Then there was a long pause after which she said… “Chal… Halkat” Then again “Love u.. Love u.. Love u”…. This thing went on for 30 good minutes… Post which she hung up and gave a mischievous smile to my friend. Another common topic is “boyfriend”. One train ride from Churchgate to Borivili and you would know the history! The worst are the post break up fights. Often a lot of girls cry in full volume and fight with their boyfriends calling names. Like in one particular conversation, one lady, in the middle of howling blurted out on phone.. “You dog… You are a real dog…. Not like a sweet pet dog… But a street dog.. Fit to be on street… ua ua ua… U snake… U r a real snake.. Not a harmless small one.. But poisonous one… Can’t believe I got fucked by a creepy swine like u”. This lady, so it seems, forgot that she was in a second class ladies compartment, surrounded by women from middle class background.. Another most favorite topic amongst working women is “boss” and “mother in law”. Married women periodically bitch about bosses and mother in laws… One more incident when a friend of mine entered a packed ladies compartment at Bandra with her group of college friends. There was lots of rushing and pushing and a lady shouted at these girls and asked them to stop pushing. The rush was evident and the pushing was justifiable yet the lady went on cribbing. To this, my friend gave an excellent reply, “I love pushing and feeling women in crowded trains..” The lady was left speechless and the compartment burst out laughing. Even if you are without books and music system, the drama in ladies compartment keeps you fully entertained.

Mr. Dinesh Trivedi came up with an excellent rail budget and the rail travelers on the next day agreed with Mr. Trivedi more than what his other party members did. This was also a great topic of discussion. Recently after the great Sex Scene on Indian TV (Bade Ache Lagte Hain), many people discussed the same with details the next day and some went to the extent of telling what fun they had with their partners following the episode.

Train-ride becomes a great source of entertainment as well as a good source of information provider and every Mumbaikar will agree with me when I say that the Railways are the lifeline of Mumbai not only for commuting but also for some daily source of entertainment… If you have not traveled by the Mumbai Local Train yet, I suggest you to do it atleast once… During RushHours!!!

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This is an apt time to write this post as the rail budget has just come in and there are many discussions and conclusions coming up with regards to the same. Well, this post is not about the rail budget but this one is about all the interesting discussions (weird as well as normal) I have heard in the local train so far.
For starters any Mumbaikar will understand the importance of timings like 8:42, 8:48, 8:57, 9:03 etc. People from outside Mumbai, these are some important train timings during the early morning rush hours in Mumbai. If you reach at the station at 8:45 for and 8:48 train, you are safe, but if you reach at 8:46, try thinking of some other train. Such is the importance of a single minute while catching the train for work/college.
Once you are inside the compartment of the train, you are bound to hear endless about stuff which you might not even have thought about in life. I have been travelling in train for over 12 years now and I have been a traveller in both the 1st class as well as the 2nd class compartments and I have observed that the discussion topics are the same, only the language is different. You’ll get to hear Hindi in the 2nd class and some sort of sophisticated English in the 1st class compartments.
When I was in college, I and my friends have discussed various stuffs in the train and have had a laugh about it too. Most of our topics revolved around girls (you expected anything else???) and all of us would end up thinking, “When will we get one???”
Maximum of the train discussions heard by me have been related either to cricket or to politics. These two are the favorite past time of Indians. People tend to dissect both these issues with their own limited knowledge about the same. A Gujju Uncle will very proudly say “Sachin e barabar shot nahi maaryo… Ene off par ramwu joytu hatu pan e leg par maarwa gayo…” (Sachin didn’t hit a proper shot. He should have hit on off side but he played it on the leg side). Every time India plays a match, next day, we listen to all the experts sitting in the train who think of themselves as the Bhogles, Shastris, Boycotts, Chappels etc. of the world cricket and they dissect every game such that if the players hear them, they might commit suicide. The discussions after the 2003 World Cup Finals, 2007 T-20 Finals, every IPL game, 2011 World Cup Finals have been endless and people with limited or minimal knowledge talk about cricket as if they have been playing for over 20 years now. The best thing here is that irrespective of it being a 1st class or 2nd class compartment, the flow of abuses has been consistent in their language.
Next favorite topic comes out to be politics. Vastraharan of all politicians becomes a national sport when in train. Talks which describe the election results to be shocking and the minister’s policies are bullshit are a norm in the trains. The share bazaar kings in the train talk as if they are the Finance Ministers of the country and whatever the FM does is against them. For them, the CMs of some individual states are like Gods and they respect them more than the PM of the Country. People will get their respective language’s regional paper in the trains and discuss as per the writer/editor’s viewpoints not understanding the fact that there are times when the editors do try to enforce their views into you. Also, the way the Gujjus in the train discuss the share-market makes us feel that they must be millionaires with what they do.
Next we move on to Bollywood. All the latest affairs described in Mumbai Mirror, Bombay Times, Navbharat Times and Gujarat Samachar are discussed in the compartments. Some discussions gross out so much so that some of the leading ladies as well as the small time actresses are signed of as Prostitutes by these middle class gentlemen in the trains. The gossips spread out quite fast in the compartments and again here, the half-cooked knowledge becomes very dangerous.
I don’t like to pry into anyone’s personal life, but some discussions (especially on phones) get so loud that you have no option but to hear them. I have seen many break-ups happening over the phone in the crowded compartments. I have also seen some new relationships starting their new phase of life in train. Some of the best conversations which I have heard so far need to be mentioned here:
A college kid was trying to convince his Girlfriend and was apologizing to her profusely for some mistake which he had committed and in that process everyone around him was having a good laugh as his conversation was absolutely hilarious and to add to it, he was loud. He used words like ‘Sweetie’, ‘Shona’, ‘Darling’, ‘Honey’, ‘Munchkin’ etc. in the same sentence. I was thinking that the girl might die of diabetes with these talks… He was telling her how he couldn’t meet her the previous day as he had some family obligations and he would more than make up for it today by taking her for a movie with corner seats. He was about to get into more details and the signal broke as the train was approaching Bandra.
Next instance is of a Bong guy dating a Bong girl. The guy was roughly 26-27 and he was a working professional and he was talking to his girlfriend using very refined Bengali language. Most of the people around him couldn’t make out what he was saying (loudly) but I could understand little bit of Bengali and the gist of the talk was that he was trying to explain her how she should be ready to adapt herself in the new world and how she should keep her rigid beliefs away. One of his lines which were hilarious at that moment was, “Ms. ________________ Mukherjee, if you are stubborn, I am much more stubborn than you and I am not going to listen to whatever crap you say…”
Very recently, a guy was talking to his friend who was about to get married to a guy whom she was dating since quite sometime. This guy in the train was trying to propose her and convince her to be his Girlfriend but the girl at other end was telling him that she is getting married soon. To this, the guy in train said something which blew my mind off… He said, “I am keeping my FB status today as Mere TBGF ki shaadi hain…” She asked the meaning of TBGF and he said, TO BE GIRLFRIEND!!! Luckily I had to get down soon as I was unable to control my laughter at that moment…
Some guys were discussing Bigg Boss and Porn in train and 1 guy said, “Biwi ho toh Sunny Leone jaisi… Wo pati ke saath saath, mehmano ka bhi khayal rakhegi…” When I discussed this chat with Mr. Avinash Veer, his lines were simple, “Loka kahi sudhrat nahi… Udya boltil Baajuwalya chi bayko asawi Sunny Leone saarkhi…”
Once while I was travelling in a Virar Fast train from Dadar-Dahisar during rush hours, there was good amount of pushing happening from the door, i.e. my frontside. I stand tall at 6’4” and the uncle behind me must be in his 60s and was short at 5’7”. Basically my ass and his stomach were at the same level. He started yelling at me from the back to stop pushing. I explained him that the pressure is coming from the front. He again yelled at me the same thing to which I very politely replied the same thing again. Now he was trying to act oversmart and show his age, so he went around again yelling at me. This time I was pissed and I too shouted stating that the pressure is coming from the front. He replied, “Mujhe laga Pressure toh Peeche se aata hain… Tu aagese kahase nikal raha hain???” I was pissed and I retorted, “Uncle, Pressure peeche se agar aaya toh yaha pe meri GAAND and aapka PET, 1 hi jagah pe hain…” He was left speechless and the compartment was left in laughs…
I have also seen college kids bring their female friends as well as girlfriends into the gents’ compartment of the trains and I have seen some of them fighting too. I just wonder, why don’t they do it somewhere outside and why do they have to create a spectacle in front of everyone???
There are many more instances, but than this is not a book. I discussed all these instances with a female friend of mine and she narrated some of the hilarious instances which she encountered in ladies compartment which are described below:
Ladies compartment is a live telecast of Ekta Kapoor soap opera. The concept of “train friend” is very rampant amongst ladies. These females are like your soul sisters who reserve a seat for you, get dokhlas and farsans for you, hears you out when you feel you are the only tortured soul. Once this friend of mine was standing at a smooching distance from another young woman in a crowded compartment and this lady, so it seems, was in an outright romantic mode. My friend had no other option but to bear with her… She was talking on a phone with her lover and this is the way the one sided conversation proceeded in marathi… “Sanglita na ‘love u” ata kiti vela mhanu…” “Luv u.. Luv u… Luv u”. Then there was a long pause after which she said… “Chal… Halkat” Then again “Love u.. Love u.. Love u”…. This thing went on for 30 good minutes… Post which she hung up and gave a mischievous smile to my friend. Another common topic is “boyfriend”. One train ride from Churchgate to Borivili and you would know the history! The worst are the post break up fights. Often a lot of girls cry in full volume and fight with their boyfriends calling names. Like in one particular conversation, one lady, in the middle of howling blurted out on phone.. “You dog… You are a real dog…. Not like a sweet pet dog… But a street dog.. Fit to be on street… ua ua ua… U snake… U r a real snake.. Not a harmless small one.. But poisonous one… Can’t believe I got fucked by a creepy swine like u”. This lady, so it seems, forgot that she was in a second class ladies compartment, surrounded by women from middle class background.. Another most favorite topic amongst working women is “boss” and “mother in law”. Married women periodically bitch about bosses and mother in laws… One more incident when a friend of mine entered a packed ladies compartment at Bandra with her group of college friends. There was lots of rushing and pushing and a lady shouted at these girls and asked them to stop pushing. The rush was evident and the pushing was justifiable yet the lady went on cribbing. To this, my friend gave an excellent reply, “I love pushing and feeling women in crowded trains..” The lady was left speechless and the compartment burst out laughing. Even if you are without books and music system, the drama in ladies compartment keeps you fully entertained.
Mr. Dinesh Trivedi came up with an excellent rail budget and the rail travelers on the next day agreed with Mr. Trivedi more than what his other party members did. This was also a great topic of discussion. Recently after the great Sex Scene on Indian TV (Bade Ache Lagte Hain), many people discussed the same with details the next day and some went to the extent of telling what fun they had with their partners following the episode.
Train-ride becomes a great source of entertainment as well as a good source of information provider and every Mumbaikar will agree with me when I say that the Railways are the lifeline of Mumbai not only for commuting but also for some daily source of entertainment… If you have not traveled by the Mumbai Local Train yet, I suggest you to do it atleast once… During RushHours!!!

Hiren Rathod.
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• esha posted on March 24, 2012
  :) well written....u can make a documentary on train diaries...;)