I cannot forget the guilty look on my wife’s face when she was literally swallowing down the sizzling brownie while we went out for dinner last week! Her expression was amusing! It was amusing because it indicated a sense of guilt and a strange innocent trick at the same time! She was guilty because she not only missed out her work out schedule, which, to her disciplined mind, was as good as committing a blasphemy but also because she went a step further and had a full course meal that ended with a sizzling brownie instead of ordering salad as she had firmly resolved before agreeing to come out for dinner with me! The trick that she played on her own self out of her childish belief that the brownie would not add on to her calories in case hurriedly gulped it instead of relishing it was strange and innocent indeed! I think some different laws of physiology and digestion governs Bengalis! On our way home I tried making her feel better at a very heavy cost! Little did I realize that my well-meaning suggestion to ensure that she doesn’t feel guilty on account of a stupid brownie while driving back home would lead to a full-fledged word of war in which the looser, as usual, was pre-destined!
Let me give you a glimpse of our conversation:
Me: Relax Esha… It was just a brownie…2000 calories max! You can work and burn it out! Why are you acting as if you lost a case in the Supreme Court of India?
Esha (With a pouting expression): It’s all your fault!
Me (Perplexed): How on earth is it my fault? What did I do now?
Esha (Glaring in Anger): You could have stopped me from eating!
Me (More perplexed): Why? You were not doing anything wrong! You were just enjoying your brownie guiltily! And I very rarely get to see the guilty expression on your face! From the time we are married, you declare me guilty on many counts on many occasions in the course of a day! And you now want me to snatch away from myself the only chance when you look guilty?
Esha (gruffly): I was not guilty! I was only testing you whether you would stop me or not! If you would have cared enough, you would have stopped me! You want me to die of heart-attack! And the expression on my face was that of sadness while eating brownie! You did not notice the silent tear that trickle down through the corner of my eye while eating the potato starters! While munching on the paneer, it stuck me that you want me to die of heart attack and hence you were not stopping me! PROVES ONCE AGAIN THAT YOU DON’T CARE!!!!!
Myself (Startled): But….
Esha (Interrupting me… As usual): I ate the brownie and the dal rice and the starters not because I gave in to temptation! I ate because I was testing you all the while of whether you care about me or not!
Myself: But…But…But…SPEECHLESS!! (My situation was same as Saif Ali Khan in Dil Chahta Hain wherein I went… Lekin Main… Magar Main… Sunoh Toh… Lekin Ye… And this is where I really started feeling REALLY GUILTY…)
We drove back in silence! I was gagged as usual! Esha removed a Cadbury silk and started eating it! In order to prove that I care, I snatched it from her hand! She glared at me and said, “Now after convincing me that you don’t care, you don’t even want to have my normal quote of sugar when I am feeling depressed on account of the face that you really don’t care! God… This Man!”
I was stumped! I was clean bowled! I was lawyered! And I continue being stumped, clean bowled and lawyered with the undying obsession of weight loss race competition of my female pals around me! I fail to understand whether they want to lose weight because they care about their health or whether it is just another fad! For I sincerely believe that weight has nothing to do with beauty! On a serious note, in case you want to lose weight because you really care about your health, I am on the same page with you that it is one of the best decisions of your life! However, if you are concerned about the second chin or bulging tummy or fat hand or heavy thighs, I request you dear ladies to stop torturing yourself about this weigh loss phenomena! It is perfectly fine if you want to shed some extra kilos because it makes you feel confident! But I beseech you not to torture yourself in the rat race of burning calories! The weight loss drive should not be indulged into at the cost of your peace of mind and happiness! You all are beautiful in your own unique ways! When you eat brownie, eat it without feeling guilty… I come from a family where food is given utmost priority… Some people EAT to LIVE whereas we LIVE to EAT and hence, the diet phenomena is quiet redundant at our place…
Coming back to my wife, the other day she asked me to take her snap! While taking her snap; she gave me a million instructions about the camera angle so that all her perceived flabs were not captured by the cruel eye of the camera! I was doing a tight rope walk! And I can very well empathize with all the husbands and boyfriends of my female pals who get spanked when they end up capturing a double chin or other area of flabs and commit the mortal sin in the eye of their better half’s.
My wife is a lawyer! Even if I want to convince her that she is beautiful the way she is, I will be lawyered as she will end up convincing me that she ain’t beautiful on account of those extra cruel kilos! On the top of it, once I have the convinced expression on my face, she will accuse me of not finding her beautiful anymore! It’s a checkmate situation for me!
However, insofar as the other less complicated ladies are concerned, I request you to stop checkmating your husband’s/boyfriend by commencing to love and appreciate yourself the way you are!